The Little Things
by Maegfen
Summary: It shouldn't bother her but it does. 10th Doctor & Rose with some 9th Doctor angst thrown in


Author: Maegfen

Title: The Little Things

Summary: "It shouldn't bother her but it does." 10th Doctor & Rose with some 9th Doctor angsty stuff

Rating: K

Spoilers: "Aliens Of London" (but nothing major)

Disclaimer: Don't own nothing, darn it!

AN: Wahoo, actually posted something new. First fic for 3 years, so it may be a little rough around the edges! Con crit is extremely welcome.  
Inspired by the key-givingness in "Aliens of London". Hope you enjoy!

* * *

He didn't hold her hand anymore. 

It was the little things she missed. The holding of her hand, the stupid grins, the arguments. It shouldn't bother her but it does. It shouldn't make her long to have him back, even though he's standing right next to her. They'd always been 'just good friends' but it was different now, like she made him uncomfortable.

When he'd woken up from his regeneration the first thing he'd done was smile, and whisper her name. Rose was relieved that he had at least remembered her. After a few days they were almost back to normal; running around, eating chips, having rows; just like old times. But he still wouldn't hold her hand.

She'd told herself it was nothing, that maybe he was just getting used to his new body. However, after weeks of no handholding she realised that maybe he just didn't want to touch her anymore. Maybe he didn't want her as a companion. The thought scared her.

Rose shook her head to get rid of the thoughts, and looked down to locate the Doctor. He was working on the TARDIS control panel at the minute. She hadn't asked specifically what was wrong and knew he didn't want her help so she was lying down on the walkway above peering over the edge, watching him work.

Rose smiled as the Doctor went to reach for his trusty hammer while still peering deep into the panel. Groping with his hand behind him he was failing miserably to grab the hammer, so she jumped down, picked up the tool and placed it on his wandering hand.

He mumbled a "thank-you", whisked the hammer into the panel and began to hit something inside. Rose realised that that was all she was going to get out of him so she sighed, stood up, and wandered into her room. She grabbed her keys, and walked out the TARDIS door, not giving the Doctor a second glance. It was all too different. The old Doctor would have turned round to thank her, smiled at her, asked her if she wanted to help. But he wasn't him. Never would be.

She looked around and saw a hill off to the side of their parking spot. They'd landed on some faraway planet (no surprise), in the wrong time period (again, no surprise) and with a broken TARDIS (there was a definite pattern emerging here), but the planet didn't look like it was occupied and the sun was shining so Rose clambered up the hill to relax.

She sat down on the hill and juggled her keys in her hand. She looked at the chain she kept them on: a simple, round-the-neck chain that held the keys and a keyring. She turned the keyring over and froze. On the keyring was a picture of him, the old doctor, grinning madly at her.

They'd been wandering around London during one of her visits home to see her Mum and Rose had taken a picture of him on a disposable camera she'd brought to take pictures of stuff from home. However, they'd used up most of the film with pictures of the two of them mucking about. They'd developed the pictures, giggled at the stupid ones with one or other, or both of them in and left it at that.

The next day he'd been doing some maintenance on the TARDIS and she'd gone to do some shopping: the amount of clothes that were destroyed on their travels was ridiculous.

As she'd been looking around she spotted a place that made up keyrings using the customers own photographs. Rose had realised that the photos she and the Doctor had taken the previous day were still in her bag so she went and got a keyring made up. Used a picture of him for it and put it on her chain. She'd never shown him the keyring; she'd always kept the keys round her neck, or in her pocket, or in her room. Soon after the keyring had been made he'd regenerated and he'd never commented on the key chain since.

She smiled at the memory, but felt tears welling up in her eyes at the thought of the Doctor. She lay on her back, deciding that a nap would help her feel a bit better. Dropping the keys by her side and placing her hands behind her head she slowly drifted off to sleep, dreaming of the old Doctor and their adventures.

* * *

She was woken by someone calling her name and shaking her. 

"Oi Rose." Shake.

"Wake up." Shake.

"I've fixed the TARDIS, we can get moving again. Rose. Rose? ROSE!"

Shake shake shake.

"What?" She grumbled, sitting up and wiping the sleep from her eyes.

"I said," he replied "that I've fixed the TARDIS and we can get going again."

"Cool. What was wrong?"

The Doctor shrugged. "Dunno exactly, but the hammer fixed it!" He smiled impishly, obviously attempting to make her laugh. It didn't work.

"Right, well, let's go then." She stood up and started to wander off towards the TARDIS (not holding his hand), trying to decide whether to just end it all now, to ask if he could take her home and leave her there. At least then he'd have the chance to find a new companion that he actually wanted to be there.

The Doctor was standing next to the spot where she'd been lying down, and noticed her keys on the grass.

"Oi," he yelled "you forgot these!" He picked up the key chain and walked towards her briskly.

Rose slowed to a halt and turned to face him. He caught up with her and made to hand her back her keys. It seemed that he only then noticed the keyring. Rose went to grab it but he snatched it away from her and peered at it.

"It's me." He stated.

Rose didn't know what to say, so she merely nodded.

"But I thought you put your Mum on it. I saw you had one...before...but I thought it was of your Mum."

Rose shook her head. "No. I've got loads of pictures of Mum. Keep 'em in my room and in my wallet. I put you there."

"Why?" He couldn't seem to understand her reasoning behind the keyring.

"Cos you were...are..." she shook her head again "my best friend. I wanted to keep you close, especially since you know, you...changed."

He was silent then. Rose sighed and plucked the keys from his hands before setting off once again towards the TARDIS. He stopped her with three words.

"I'm sorry Rose."

She slowed and looked back at him.

"No you're not. You don't even know what you're sorry for. You don't understand anything anymore." A tear crept down her cheek and she walked back to the TARDIS, leaving him standing outside.

Rose ran into her room, shut the door and jumped onto her bed face-down, her head buried in the pillow. Tears were running down her cheeks, the emotion from the last few months completely overwhelming her... the loss of the old Doctor, the rise of a new one, the feeling that something was missing in this new partnership, that something was completely and utterly wrong between them.

She cried herself to sleep.

* * *

When she woke he was sitting in a chair by her bed, a concerned look on his face. She turned away from him; she didn't need to see him now, she just wanted to be alone. 

She heard him sigh, and felt the bed move as he sat down beside her.

"Rose. Please talk to me. I'm sorry for earlier. I shouldn't have ignored you when I was fixing the TARDIS. Rose, please."

She sat up and looked at him, wiping her eyes with her sleeve.

"Stop apologising. You just don't get it."

"Get what Rose? I can't get it if you don't tell me!" He was standing now, anger apparent on his face. "Look, if you don't want to be here just go. Leave the keys and go!"

She jumped up from the bed and stood in front of him.

"I knew it, I knew you didn't want me here. You've wanted me to go since you changed! That's why you won't..." she trailed off, hoping he wouldn't notice.

"Why I won't what? Rose? What do you want me to do? Whatever it is I'm sure I can do it." He sounded desperate. Like he did want her to stay.

She didn't want to tell him, he'd think her silly and immature. She sat back down on the bed and looked up at him. Taking a deep breath she replied.

"Hold my hand. You won't hold my hand."

There was silence throughout the room. Rose and the Doctor stared at each other. After what seemed like forever he sat next to her on the bed and spoke.

"Is that it? Is that what the problem is?"

She nodded, tears falling down her cheeks. She could tell he was at a loss for words. He now sat there staring at his hands, refusing to look at her. She had to say something.

"Look, just forget it. It's stupid. Just forget I ever said anything."

He shook his head.

"I'm not gonna forget Rose. You can't just say something like that and expect me to forget it." He paused. "I'm sorry. Not just about earlier, but everything. I'm just so...confused...about everything that I don't know how I should act anymore."

Rose was staring at him in confusion, so he carried on.

"I remember everything from...before. The hand-holding, the hugs, **everything**," he emphasised "But since the regeneration I've been so confused I don't know what to do. I keep asking myself 'What If?'. What if you resented me for dying, for coming back and keeping you here? What if you hated who I had become? What if you hated me for not being him...me...you know what I mean?

I remembered who you were, what we had, as soon as I woke up, but I didn't want to force you straight away into that comfortable thing we had before, like I was trying to replace him."

Rose looked at her hands in her lap. Eventually she spoke.

"I don't hate you. I just wish you'd talk to me once in a while about everyday stuff, like we used to, rather than just complaining at me all the time that the TARDIS needs fixing. You know, try to make me feel like you actually want me here. I just miss you, the old you, and I don't know who you are. I don't want to go home, I want to stay here with you. Get to know you. Explore the universe. But, I mean, if you want me to leave I will."

Rose was rambling, and the Doctor raised his finger to his lips signalling she should be quiet.

"I'm sorry Rose. I'm sorry for being awkward and distant and totally ignorant of you presence." Rose smiled. "And I'm sorry for making you feel for one second that I didn't want you here, because I do, I really do. And I'm sorry for not being him. I'm sorry that I can't bring him back. But he'll always be here," he smiled while pointing to the keyring, "and here," he pointed to her forehead, "and most importantly here." He pointed to her heart. He looked at her face and saw she was crying again. He continued talking.

"I know I'm not him and I can't replace him, but I can be someone different. A new friend. But never a replacement. I wouldn't do that to you."

Rose looked up at him, a couple of tears still falling gracefully down her face, and he breathed a sigh of relief. He could tell from the look in her eyes that everything was going to be all right. Shifting slightly on her bed he turned so he faced her.

He took her hands in his and smiled. She looked up at his face and smiled back. It may not have been much, but it was a start; a step in the right direction.

THE END


End file.
